Our adventure has taken us to another new place as we have begun to learn to milk goats. Goats are cooperative, quiet and love humans, so we figured this would be super easy. Yeah Right! We knew that the goats would teach us a few things - and quickly if we were going to be successful.
Here are a set of instructions for anyone who wants take on this challenge:
1. Wear long pants and rubber boots and be prepared to get “up close and personal” with your goat. When your goat pees on you, you’ll be happier if you have worn boots.
2. Give the goat lots to eat and pick a slow eater. The goat will focus on her breakfast and be less inclined to step on you or into the milk pot. You will be a terrible milker at first, so take advantage of the slower chewer.
3. Be aggressive and take ownership of the process otherwise your goat will own you. You may have to use your body in strange ways to control her. Even if you are super-nice and tell her she is beautiful, she will still manage to kick and head butt you - so you better be prepared to suck it up.
4. Watch for an arched back- this is a sure sign that you are going to get crapped on. If the crap ends up in the milk bucket, you have just made cat food.
5. Be patient with yourself and don’t get frustrated when you squeeze and spray a bunch of milk into your boot. You will soon learn how to aim.
If you follow these instructions, you will be milking like a pro in no time. Please don’t ask for a demonstration.